Articulating My Witness
Over the course of the last six months I’ve devoted most of my time to understanding and shaping a coherent understanding of discipleship. I’ve tried to balance the interior work of the Spirit, sanctification, with the exterior work of mercy, justice and compassion. This effort has been essentially constructive, bringing together so much of my life and ministry over the last decade. While it has been a painstaking effort, it has also been quite fruitful.
One element that is essential to the life of discipleship is the active witness one disciple can make to the transforming work of the Spirit in and through a relationship with Christ. I’ve spoken of this in terms of making an authentic witness. The definition is that a person bears witness to their own story of how they experience Christ. An individual story doesn’t supplant the Gospel story; instead, it is an extension of the story. A spiritually maturing witness to what Christ is doing to bring healing, new life and hope in a person’s life can be much more effective and powerful than a witness that is given out of a written script. This witness doesn’t eschew the Scriptural witness; rather it effectively re-presents the Good News as it has been revealed in a specific person’s life.
It strikes me today that if I’m going to call my congregation to understand an articulate this sort of authentic witness in the world, I’d better be able to give them an example of how it’s done. So here goes a first draft of my witness:
I’ve spent the better portion of my life pursuing a well defined understanding of theology and scripture. It has been important for me to be able to talk about the God I’ve come to know through the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit in ways that are practical, articulate and invitational. I’ve always known that God was more about opening doors to deeper understanding rather than creating obstacles. This pursuit has been more an academic pursuit and a practical pursuit than a personal pursuit. Not that I haven’t been completely divested from a personal involvement and experience of the pursuit. I’ve had throughout my life what I’d consider to be significant “spiritual experiences”. Most of these experiences were more random in nature. They were happy occurrences that came along with any variety of experiences.
What I’ve come to realize is that these experiences were anything but random occurrences. In fact they were bread crumbs along my journey. The bread crumbs led me to the Academy for Spiritual Formation that provided a framework for me to take my interior spiritual journey in a considerably more intentional way. As I have learned to be more intention in my relationship with Christ, no longer am I simply going from bread crumb to bread crumb. Through a more disciplined life of spiritual practices, I’m experiencing a deeper intimacy with God. As I’ve grown in my intimacy with God, I’ve been opened to incredible experiences of healing for hurts that I’ve struggled with most of my life. With the healing has come great trust in the promises of God that were given so completely in Christ: resurrection, eternal life and a life of discipleship. I find myself able to proclaim with a depth and confidence that is far beyond what I once could muster that Jesus is the Christ. I can say that a life lived in relationship with Christ is the pathway to life that is eternal not in quantity only but also in quality.
As Robert Frost wrote so many years ago, it may seem like the road less travelled but I can say that for me…taking that road has made all the difference.

Getting My Cage Rattled
I suppose I shouldn’t be too surprised at this point, but I am in awe at how deftly the Holy Spirit is able to ferret out the deep seated obstacles and hurts that get in the way of God’s sanctifying grace. The last three years have been a roller coaster. I know that the Spirit has led me through the painful depths in coming to terms with the nature of my relationship with my father and over the heights of exhilaration as I’ve experienced God’s presence in ways that I wouldn’t have thought possible. Even through the ups and downs, I can say that all is trending up. Most recently in this e-ticket ride I have had to come to terms with the true nature of the narcissism that exists in my life.
I’ve shared before that part of the revelation that has come through the journey toward a perfecting spirituality is the fact that I was raised by a father with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Being raised by a narcissist, my life carried the imprint and the scars of his way of engaging in relationships. By the grace of God, the love of my mother and myriad people that have loved and supported me along the way, my world view doesn’t mirror his. My view of my self was very deeply imprinted by this upbringing. As a result, I have engaged in an ongoing struggle, over the balance of my life, with the narcissistic self-view that has remained firmly rooted. In my best moments, again by grace, I’ve been able to live faithfully and sacrificially according to my faith. In spite of this, I’ve had to deal with the times and circumstances where I acted more out of self preservation.
I’ve been given this incredible gift of faith, healing, resurrection and ministry by the grace of God. I give thanks for the ways that I’ve been able to share these gifts. I lament the ways that I’ve denied this discipleship, caring more for my own well being in ways that have been deeply narcissistic.
At the risk of appearing as if this is self-flagellation, I am drawing a distinction between appropriate self-care and narcissism. There are times in all of our lives where it is important and necessary for us to retreat. These are the times that we need to recharge. From the standpoint of spiritual formation, however, retreat is not about the escape “from”. Retreat is about a movement more deeply into the heart of God that one might know healing and restoration. The narcissistic retreat is the movement into self. It is a bunkering into the indulging of one’s own needs. While the details differ from person to person and situation to situation, the narcissistic retreat is essential a juvenile (if not infantile) collapse in on one’s self.
I can say now that God has been at work for a long time to dig out around this root. This bent toward narcissistic retreat has been a need for healing for a good many years. Even though this realization has been a source of some anger and pain in recent weeks, I can see how God’s grace is at work and how healing is flowing. The final piece of this is that I have also come to terms with the fact that this essentially lifelong pattern won’t just simply evaporate. This is something that I choose to live away from as I seek to engage more and more in a perfecting spirituality. As I choose to fold this part of my life and experience into my relationship with God, I will be able to live more completely into my call and discipleship. I will be a better steward of all that God has given me.
The journey continues…

Examination of Conscience
I’m finding incredible insight as I begin to lead out the work that I’ve been working through, praying about and preparing for more than six months. Inspired by the book Deepening Your Effectiveness, I’m looking more deeply at a meaningful definition of discipleship and looking more intently at how I can order the life of this congregation to better move people toward deeper experiences and expressions of God’s grace. Using the concept of “core principles” as those experiences and practices that shape our life with Christ more completely, I’m in the midst of introducing these principles and practices through worship and a companion class. This week I’m on the third of the seven principles.
The third principle is “Fully formed disciples of Jesus are committed to living incarnationally according to the example of Christ.” As a way of teaching this concept and drawing people into a deeper understanding of our life with Christ I’m using the image of the Christ of the Maryknoll and Ignatius of Loyola’s Examen. Rooted in John 1, I’m exploring with the congregation the truth of the incarnation. Out of this reclamation and deeper understanding of the incarnation, I’m seeking a deeper understanding of why incarnation matters to modern disciples and how it can be an integral part of our life of faith.
I’m being drawn into a deeper understanding of the Examen. I’ve spent time practicing the Examen; it was one of the more compelling practices that I learned through the Two Year Academy. At the risk of being too hard on myself, my recollection of how I approached the Examen was more from the standpoint of a self-guided tour. I know that I did it prayerfully. I did try and explore the deeper and more difficult elements of my life and practice. At the end, it was still self-led. I’m coming to understand that the Examen needs to be different. It needs to be Christ led.
This is a challenging concept. It could be difficult to do a true self-led Examen, but it could smack of masochism. Alternately, it would be all too easy to gloss over important things that we would need to deal with. However, to give the reins of the journey over to Christ, to have a Christ-led Examen is all together different. It is truly an exercise in living without a net when we let Christ guide us through the reflection of our day, our action (inaction) and our faithfulness. Yet this is absolutely vital to growing into a deeper relationship with Christ. The truly Christ-led Examen is made possible through incarnation.
Incarnation is the expression of faith that bears witness to the depth to which God is present in Christ. When John speaks of the Word became flesh and dwelled among us, he bears witness to a depth and intimacy of God’s presence in Christ. When through faith Christ abides with us and we with Christ, we have before us the possibility of an indwelling experience with Christ that approximates incarnation. When we engage in a Christ-led Examen, Christ leads not from outside us, but from ever more deeply within.
As we engage in the Examen the door is opened to the experience of God’s transforming grace from the inside out. As I have sought to live more deeply into my faith and relationship with Christ, I’ve come to realize that there are stubborn, persistent and deep seated attitudes that are getting in the way of what I seek. What God is revealing to me is that the answers and the healing I seek lay in the practice of the Examen. So, tonight I reenter into the Examen. This time…I let Christ take the wheel.

Connecting the Dots

Over the course of the many months that I’ve shared my pilgrimage with God, I’ve shared about the troubled relationship with my father. I’ve talked about the pain of that broken relationship. I’ve talked about how the imprint of that relationship has impacted my life and ministry. I’ve been thinking about all of this in a slightly different context given what I’m doing currently to lead my congregation into a deeper and broader discipleship. The path that I’m currently following in leadership is one that encourages this community of faith into a deeper and more intentional relationship and experience of the risen Christ in their life. Through this relationship and a deeper desire to live as a disciple of Christ my hope and prayer is that this community of faith will explore and practice incredibly profound ways of expressing that grace in ministry in the world and community.

I’ve come to understand that one of the major obstacles that are part of the journey to a deeper relationship and discipleship is the legacy of pain, brokenness and hurt that is part of the human experience. I’ve come to understand in my own life that for a long time there were hurts that I sought to avoid and even hide (as if that was truly possible) from God. I think about this in terms of that closet that we all have (literally and figuratively). This is the closet that we pour the garbage and junk that we don’t want to deal with, but can’t bring ourselves to take to the curb of our life so that it goes out with the trash. The result of filling this closet is that we created a space that we very easily want to hold back. Out of pain, embarrassment, fear, or some other reaction we hold back this part of our life. Any part of our life that we want to hold back and keep from God becomes an obstacle to experiencing God as deeply as possible.

I found that I was following this course with regard to the pain around my relationship with my father. I was holding back. I was not seeking the healing and grace that God all too freely offered. Partly because I was unaware of just how deep it ran, partly because I was embarrassed because of how I felt. In some respects I thought that to admit failure in the relationship would be to admit failure…period. I couldn’t bring myself to do it. As a result of not being completely and radically open to God’s presence and grace to heal, I found myself challenged to serve and grow deeper with Christ’s call and claim on my life.

Over the course of these last two years, the healing has been slow; at times it was more in fits and starts. This is more about my unevenness in seeking God’s healing than about unevenness in God. As the healing has taken hold and the scars diminished, I have found a deeper passion and experience that seems to be oozing out of every pore of my life and ministry. I’ve come to understand more deeply Paul’s characterization in 2 Corinthians of having this incredible treasure of God’s grace in clay jars. God’s great power seen in Christ’s resurrection doesn’t remove our vulnerability. Our human lives are just as frail as always. However, by God’s grace that vulnerability and frailty is still capable of carrying the extraordinary power of resurrection and eternal life.

I know that this is not the last deeply seated hurt that I will have to deal with. I’m all too aware that this is not the last obstacle that I’ll have to surmount. However, this experience has been instructive and life-giving. It has opened the path of discipleship more widely than before, and into this wider path I feel even more deeply drawn.

Principles and Practices for Discipleship

Fully formed disciples of Jesus are committed to…

an active and growing relationship with the risen Christ.

Our relationship with Christ is the means by which we grow in our understanding of God’s freely-given, unmerited grace. The spiritual discipline of practicing the presence of Christ helps nurture this relationship through the developing a continual openness and awareness of Christ’s presence in our life

openness to God’s healing, transforming and life-giving grace.

God’s grace comes to us to bring the healing of our hurts and brokenness even before we know God. Practicing a radical openness to that grace brings the healing that enables us to live the new life promised in Christ. The spiritual practice of inner healing prayer opens us to the stream of God’s healing grace.

living incarnationally according to the example of Christ.

The Incarnation is the foundation of how God reveals God’s self in Jesus. Incarnation is the principle by which we embody God’s love to others. The spiritual discipline of examen opens us to the deeper awareness of how Christ is at work in our life. It helps us reflect on and grow beyond the practices that are obstacles to a fuller life with Christ.

the disciplined practice of spiritual formation.

By engaging in spiritual practices (prayer, study, worship, fasting, service, etc.) as a means of grace, the Holy Spirit heightens our sensitivity to experiencing God’s grace. The spiritual practice of contemplation wakes us up to the presence of Christ and the movement of the Holy Spirit that is continually at work in our life.

living a shared commitment to a life of discipleship within the Body of Christ.

The life of the Christian is not simply to be a disciple but to be committed to making disciples within the context of relationship and mutual journey. More than simply hanging out with a group of people, the spiritual discipline of community is the expression and reflection of our experience of Christ’s self giving presence invested in the common journey with other Christians.

share the story of God’s grace as we experience it in our relationship with Christ.

As we experience more deeply the power of God’s gift of new life in Christ, the Holy Spirit empowers us to share that grace through our life. The spiritual discipline that supports this sharing is witness. This means modeling and telling others of the difference that our relationship with Christ has made in our life.

living Christ’s incarnational love in the world.

Our commitment to Christ compels us to follow Christ’s example of incarnational and unconditional love lived with all persons, especially the poor, the broken and the marginalized. The spiritual practice of stewardship is the voluntary and generous offering of God’s gifts given to us for the benefit of others. Stewardship is the holistic sharing of our prayers, presence gifts and service for the sake of the Kingdom.

Going a Little Deeper

It would seem that I’m still caught up in the image of Jacob wrestling with God. The image is compelling. The image of the creature struggling with the Creator is the stuff of Greek tragedy and modern cinema. There is something very primal about it. Perhaps this is why we aren’t really that good at wrestling with God for any great length of time. It’s a struggle that we can’t win. It will take us to places that are totally beyond ourselves. It will take us to depths of self that we simply aren’t comfortable plumbing. At the risk of sounding indelicate…oh well…

To be faithful in our calling in Christ, the wrestling is not only inevitable it is essential. Over the last couple of weeks I’ve conceived of this necessity in the context of dealing with those things in our life, in our choices, in our attitudes and perspectives that run contrary to the Reign of God as revealed in Christ. If there are things that we harbor that run in opposition to God’s purpose of compassion, mercy, reconciliation, redemption and justice then we need to remove these from our life. If we are to say yes to God we must say no to our jealous, arrogant, self-seeking, self-preserving, fence building, and violent ways. These habits and choices simply can not coexist with God in our life of faith.

I’ve been thinking and reflecting on these truths at greater depth in the last few weeks. To say that we must work to remove those things we harbor and protect but are obstacles to a deeper life with God is clear and straightforward. Yet, to simply label them as cancerous tumors that must be poisoned, zapped or cut out because they are “evil” leaves us in a very precarious position. If our focus becomes singularly directed toward “rubbing out the spot” we can find ourselves caught in an endless loop. Think of the image of a dog chasing its tail. Round and round you go…pursuing an illusive target and yet never quite catching it. If you do manage to catch it, it isn’t quite as satisfying as you thought it would be.

If our focus is only turned inward, that is, on what is wrong with us and what our deficiencies are, we loose two pieces of the puzzle that are vital. First, our choices can’t be looked as inherently evil (even though that is an easy argument to make for some of them); they are not problematic because of some deficiency on our part. They are problematic because they are in opposition to God and it is on this basis alone that they are judged. Therefore, it is only as we wrestle with these things in relation to God’s purpose revealed in Christ that we are able to move beyond merely cutting out a cancer and move toward experiencing the healing and wholeness that only God can bring. This brings us to the second piece of the puzzle. God’s purpose is not simply the eradication of sin and the things that would stand between us and God. God seeks restoration and redemption. Get rid of the obstacles, yes; but also experience the promise and power of a new life together with God for all eternity.

This new life is marked by who we are in the essence of our identity and association and what we do and how we live as a consequence of that identity. This is the epic struggle. It is the stuff of legend and myth. It is a wrestling match of cosmic proportions. But if we let that get in the way of going the distance with God the fullness of God’s grace, healing and new life will elude us. I know, it doesn’t seem like much of a choice…but I can say from personal experience that when the dawn breaks after one of these all night matches, God does bless us with a deeper experience of life and grace. Even if the next round in the match turns out to be right around the corner, God will go the distance with us if we are willing to go the distance with God.

Getting Past Being Busy

One of the greatest obstacles to effective discipleship is the nearly constant obsession to be busy and to do the “church” thing. I think we can thank the Protestant Work Ethic for that. Wikipedia defines the Ethic as follows: “a Calvinist value emphasizing the necessity of constant labor in a person's calling as a sign of personal salvation”. The problem is that the ethic has morphed into a cultural of busy-ness in which we get so caught up in doing church that we forget to be the church. We forget that we were redeemed not for a life of being worker ants scurrying about. We were redeemed to be in a meaningful, life-giving relationship with God and with one another within the Body of Christ. This is a relationship that then spills out of us into all our relationships and work in the world.

I’ve been struggling with this disconnect between doing church and being the church for many years. I’m one of those people who like to be busy. I like to be doing things. I like to be productive. Unfortunately I’ve also thought that it was important for me to be able to demonstrate to other people that I am productive…as if this was the only way to prove my worth and earn people’s respect (there is a long story behind this). As my spirituality has developed over these last few years I’ve learned the difference between doing church and being the church. I’ve learned the difference between being a worker in the Kingdom and being a disciple of Christ. As counter-intuitive as it may sound, an obsession with doing things (a-la the Protestant Work Ethic) can, and often does, get in the way of our relationship with Christ and our response to Him in a life of discipleship.

The last few months for me have been one of those very frenetic times; it’s been more about getting things done and trying to meet deadlines than nurturing my relationship with God and deepening my response to God’s grace. As I have prepared for worship this week (Jacob wrestling with God in Genesis 32) I’ve spent a great deal of time thinking about the things that I continue to wrestle with God over. I think about woundedness, choices, behaviors, anxieties and fears that don’t serve me well in my relationship with God. I also recognize, like Jacob, that were it not for God’s call and claim on my life, and my willingness to answer God, that none of this would be an issue. However, since I desire to say “yes” to God I must also say “no” to things that aren’t God; hence the struggle.

I can’t overcome this struggle or sanctify these sins by trying to prove my salvation in the work that I do, even if it is “church” stuff. It is only God’s grace that brings this healing and it is only in my willingness through living into a perfecting spirituality that I am immersed in this healing and wholeness. It is only when I, as a primary act, open myself to the relationship and experience of God that I will know this experience. In this, I am moved by the words of Carlo Carretto who writes in his Letters to Docidia: 1954-1983, ”At a certain point it occurred to me that what the Church lacked was not work, activity, the building of projects or a commitment to bring in souls. What was missing, or at least scarce, was the element of prayer, meditation, self-giving, intimacy with God, fidelity to the Holy Spirit and the conviction that [Christ] was the real builder of the Church.” As I write this, I’m reflecting on Jesus’ comment to the disciples, “you will always have the poor with you” and I think it finally makes sense.

Without a deepening relationship with Christ helping the poor is merely charity. It is only through our perfecting, healing, empowering relationship with Christ that our work with the poor becomes discipleship. It is only then that it becomes peacemaking.

Going for a Swim

As you can probably tell, water is an important spiritual image for me. Over my lifetime I’ve had many experiences of God’s grace and presence that could best be described as immersion experiences. My deep affinity for the Hawaiian Islands is rooted in this experience. Being on the islands is very much an immersion experience for me. With such a deep love of Baptismal imagery it should come as a surprise that another image came to mind as I was preparing for worship this week.

I’m looking at the end of the 8^th Chapter of Romans and have been chewing on a well known passage…v28: “We know that all things work together for good for those who love God, who are called according to God’s purpose.” I’m struck again by that notion of God’s purpose and the relentless nature of God’s redemptive purpose in the world. I’m struck again by how God’s purpose might be delayed as a result of the vagaries of the human experience, but that it can never be ultimately subverted. This truth is like the North Star. It is a bedrock truth by which we can anchor our life. This truth is more than a port in the storms of life. It is a truth around which we can shape and order our life.

In my own life I’m growing in my experience of the great stream that is God’s redemptive work in the world. That relentless redemptive work of God flows inexorably through creation, whether we see it or even believe it; it is there. When we make the conscious effort to step into the stream of God’s redemptive purpose in creation, we experience that grace in very different ways. When we step into the stream, we are enveloped by the water. It acts on us. It affects us. When we step into the stream we experience the water in ways that are impossible if we observe the water only from the safety of the dry river bank. We are unable to know the true nature of the stream until we step into it and feel its effects directly.

The same is true about the movement of God’s grace. It’s one thing to read about God’s mighty acts of salvation. It’s one thing to read about creation. It’s one thing to read the Gospel and hear of Christ’s life. Simply reading these words may take us to the river bank and get us within sight of the stream. However, if we are to truly experience and understand the nature and power of the promise contained in the words, we need to get off the bank and get into the stream of God’s work.

When we read Scripture, we need to read it with a heart that wants to see God and expects to see God at work in our life. When we pray, we need to want and expect to hear God walking through the garden of our life. When we extend ourselves to serve the needs of creation and the human community we need to both carry Christ with us and expect to find Christ in the people whom we serve. When we come to the Table we need to come not with the desire to recollect an experience that is relegated to history; we need to come to Christ’s Table expecting to encounter our host. The more we open ourselves to these experiences, the more we will know and the more we will experience the transformation that is part of the stream of God’s redemptive work in creation.

Making Room for Grace to Work

In the realm of Christian Spirituality, the importance of living lives that make room for the grace of God to be at work in us and through us is a cornerstone of living into a perfecting spirituality. My experiences through the Academy reshaped my thinking on this topic and gave me experiences that solidified this truth. Making room for the grace of God to be at work is an active endeavor. It is worked out in our relationships, in our view of the world and especially it is seen in our relationships and encounters with our enemies and with people at the fringes. Two weeks ago I received an amazing experience of the power that is unleashed when a community of people of faith work intentionally to make room for grace to work in them and in their midst.

My week on Sierra Service Project was a truly extraordinary week. I’ve had good weeks before, but never before have I witnessed the level of intentionality in reflecting God’s love as I did in this group of youth and their counselors. Acts of love, mercy and grace were breaking out all over the place. It was amazing. One particular story bears noting.

Early on in the week, I’d heard one of the counselors talking about a person from their group who is autistic. This got my attention because I’d never encountered an autistic youth on SSP. Yet as I surveyed the group, I couldn’t find the person in question. My curiosity faded and I soon forgot to be on the look out for this youth. In fact, I’d forgotten all about it until the final night. Sierra Service Project has a tradition on the last night where a candle is passed around and each participant is given the opportunity to share a word about what the experience has meant to them. About three quarters of the way around the circle, one of the youth took hold of the candle and began to share about the experience and in an instant it was clear that this was the autistic youth…not because of any self-revelation, but their mannerisms made it apparent. This youth spoke of the torment that had been unleashed by their peer group at school and how difficult it made their life. It broke my heart to hear the story but it wasn’t long before my heart was healed by the gratitude that this youth expressed for having been loved and accepted in this community in spite of this obvious difference. I was touched by the privilege of being part of a community that showed this young person a life changing level of love and acceptance. I had spoken with this youth a number of times during the week, with no hint of the autism; which made the whole experience even more fantastic.

This group of youth made room for God’s grace to be at work in them and through them. They loved, accepted and forgave each other (even though it wasn’t always easy). They had patience with one another, even the ones who were less mature, less focused and less easy to relate to. We had our moments of drama through the week, but in the end, God’s Spirit breathed a new and fresh wind into the lives of all these kids. It was all made possible because we were all willing, in one way, shape or form, according to our own experience, to make room for God in our community. It didn’t just happen. It was a conscious choice.

May this be our choice everyday, in every experience.

SSP Work Days 3 & 4

Since yesterday was our traditional half day of work and we went to a water venue, I’ll post two days worth of work in one shot.

The work amongst the different teams that our kids are on has been somewhat uneven. This is the first week of the summer for the Site Staff and they are trying to work out logistical kinks with their suppliers. The consequence of this is that some work sites don’t have enough supplies to do work consistently. The staff has worked hard and creatively to overcome this. It has been amazing the way that our kids have both gelled as a group and also made friends with the kids from the other churches. Sooner or later the kids cross the group boundaries to the extent that it is difficult to tell which kids are from which group. This incredible event happened by Tuesday night (which is very early)

The work day yesterday went well. Since it is a half day, the kids usually push hard to get as much done as possible. The water venue was a campground along Grizzly Creek. It was one of the most beautiful Wednesday settings we’ve ever had. The campground is nestled within a redwood forest. The creek was clean. The air was fresh. The air was warm. This picture is taken around an enormous Sequoia tree. It took the whole group to circle it.

Rylie enjoyed the way that her team has worked together. She was glad that no one really sat around while others worked.

Logan is building a fence and putting in concrete landing pads at the bottom of the stairs. The best part of his day was the “spiritual sandwich”. This is a new wrinkle for the daily program. Our Spiritual Life Coordinator has given each group a discussion topic for the day. Today’s topic was places and experiences in which we’ve seen God. This was the favorite part of Logan’s day.

Janessa was part of the only team that was painting this week. She was up on the roof painting in the gables. For a girl that enjoys the roof, this was great work for her.

Steve’s group is one of the groups that have had a difficult time getting all the supplies that they’ve needed. He and his co-leader have done a great job with keeping their group together through the lulls. Today that experienced the time honored SSP tradition of the FRED. FREDs are times during the work week when staff come around to the work sites to give time and space to explore what they’re experiencing on the Reservation. These can be wonderful times for a team. This was the favorite part of Steve’s day today.

Bonnie has been doing stairs all week. Today they poured the remaining concrete pads and post holes. She has enjoyed her first SSP in a really big way.

I’m so proud of this group of youth. The ones who have never been to SSP love their first experience. The ones who have been before have shown a great deal of growth and maturity from last year. This week is having an extraordinary impact on all of our kids. They are growing in faith and service.

SSP 2008 Work Day 1

It’s been a truly spectacular SSP day…which means no one was on the roof…no one got hurt and it wasn’t 100 degrees. The Table Bluff Reservation where we are serving this year is located on a bluff overlooking Humboldt Bay and it is a truly beautiful site. It is a small reservation on which 8 of the 9 work sites are within site of each other. The ninth site is a few miles up the road in Arcata. We find ourselves doing a lot of handicap ramps this year, which means today there was a lot of digging and tomorrow there will be a lot of concrete being mixed. Wednesday will see a lot of nails driven and probably a few black and blue thumbs.

We are here this year with the Loomis UMC, the Campbell UMC and the Lafayette UMC. This is a great bunch of campers and counselors and we are really meshing well at this point.

Back to the weather…I don’t think it got above 65 all day and the sun didn’t come out until about 1:30 pm. It doesn’t seem like its going to be out for much longer.

There is an extraordinary thing happening this year. The Wiyot people (that’s pronounced WEE’ yot) are cooking us both breakfast and lunch. In 17 years of SSP this has never happened. I’m completely blown away by this gesture.

Now a few kid moments. This was Rachel’s first time on the trip and she is on one of the teams that are doing ramps. When I talked to her today about how it went and what the favorite part of her work day was she talked about how great it was that everyone on her team was pitching in. There was no one on her team that just sat around while others worked. I’m very glad that she had a good first day. For Alex, also a first timer, the demolition that needed to happen before the ramp construction begins was the favorite part of his day.

It’s almost time for evening program, so I’ll cut this short…you can be very proud of this SSP work team. Under Mandy’s leadership the leadership and spiritual maturity of our youth is making a difference in this community. It is a blessing and privilege to share this time with a group of kids that are eager to grow in their discipleship and in their relationship with God through helping other people. While I know that my being here puts a great deal of strain others who pick up my load when I am gone, please know my heartfelt gratitude for all that you do to make it possible for me to be part of this spiritual journey with our youth just as I continue to be challenged in my own.

Until tomorrow…

SSP 2008 Day 2
Yosemite National Park

This was a beautiful day with perfect hiking conditions. We had the largest group ever take the hike…20 people!! Of the 20 who started, 13 made it to the cables, also a record. For those of you who know the hike, it is challenging and even though we were somewhat slowed in coming down the hill we all made it down safe and sound. We really missed you Becca!!!! Love and kisses from all of us.

SSP 2008 Day 3

Our travel day to McKinleyville proved to be quite eventful. Our path to McKinleyville was closed due to the fires that are scattered throughout the forests of Northern California. Steve Gould was working to get me up to visit with Donna Brantly so that we could plan Jim’s Memorial Service and due to the road closures it would have been impossible to see her without missing my flight. The Spirit created a strong pull to be with Donna which necessitated me missing my short trip home to be in worship for Pastor Cathy’s last day. It was with great sadness that I missed that event, but the time spent with Donna proved to be more important than I could have possibly imagined.
Enough about me. It was a long day of traveling for the team, but they made it to McKinleyville and were greeted warmly by Donna’s daughter and son in law. We had stacks of tasty pizza, soda and desserts. It was a wonderful and relaxing place to chat, play games and unwind from the road.
We bedded down for the night in the non-profit Karate dojo that is connected to the Church of the Divine Healer UMC. This is where Donna has been attending these last months with her family. The church was very warm and generous in their hospitality and welcome of us. It was a great place to spend the night and worship the next day.

SSP 2008 Day 4

Sunday was kind of a slow day. We started with Church and while I visited more with Donna and her family the rest of the team went to the movies (Wall-e)…a great time was had by all. After a short drive of 30 minutes we arrived on site and the grand adventure of work began.

SSP Log 2008

Parallel to my regular postings for the next few days I’ll give daily updates about the MUMC Youth Trip to the Sierra Service Project. This year we’re serving the Wiyot people who live just south of Eureka, Ca, near the town of Loleta. This will be my second Project trip to Loleta and I look forward to cooler temperatures and ocean breezes.

Over these next several days I’ll share the events of the day, including pictures. You’ll hear of the different ways in their own words, some of the ways that the youth and other adults are experiencing SSP.

For those unfamiliar with SSP…Sierra Service Project is a non-profit group that runs a serious of one week work camps, in five different locations. These work camps are for Senior High youth and their counselors. The work involves housing rehabilitation and weatherization for Native Americans who live on various reservations in California, Arizona, Nevada and Oregon. More than simply doing work, this experience provides the context for the youth and counselors to explore Christ’s call to service through discipleship in a real world context in a culture setting that is different from our own. This is my 17^th week at SSP since 1989 (the year I graduated from seminary); needless to say the experience is very near and dear to my heart.

Now, on with our story…

With the Staypuft Marshmallow Van in the lead we head north through desert, the mountains and the valley. Our destination for day one is Indian Flat Campground just outside the west gate of Yosemite National Park. This has been a regular haunt for many years now. At about 20 minutes from Yosemite Village, it is a perfect place to stay. Tomorrow, the intrepid among us will head for the trailhead at Curry Village to begin our pilgrimage to the top of Half Dome, hopefully the weather will cooperate and we’ll enjoy the view from the top. Pictures from this trek as well as other pictures of the day will be posted on Saturday as I’ll have no internet connection available on Friday.

Before I loose signal, I’m going to end this note and post it. Until Saturday…

Trust Is a Funny Thing

I had an epiphany a few days ago. At the very least it was a mixed bag. I’d been stressed out over a variety of things in life and ministry and the compounding of these various stresses was working toward leaving me feeling increasingly isolated. In this growing isolation fear was beginning to dictate my action, or lack thereof. The epiphany came within the context of a meeting with my Stewardship leader. We were discussing a plan to encourage our congregation in giving and ministry in the current economic climate. It came to me as bolt from the blue…I wasn’t truly trusting God’s grace and providence nor did I really trust the congregation.

On the one hand it was a breath of fresh air blowing freely into the choking and stagnant fear that was sapping me of energy and passion. The fear had become a burden on my spirit that had grown gradually and imperceptibly. It had become a burden that I didn’t fully fathom until it was lifted from me. With the lifting of the burden came a flood of emotions…it brought me to tears and to my knees. The pathway that I’m called to follow is a pathway of trust over fear. I was reminded that I can trust God and I can trust this congregation. In so many things over the last eight years this congregation has given me abundant experiences that should have bolstered my trust…but instead I doubted.

There in lies the downside of the epiphany. I felt deeply convicted in the lack of trust. It would be all too easy to be intemperate with myself in this. As it has always been in matters such as this, God’s grace was sufficient to not only bring me back, but heal the guilt of having forgotten such a fundamental truth. I’m not sure if this is a sign of cynicism or spiritual maturity, but I have a sneaking suspicion that this won’t be the last time that I’ll need to have this epiphany. Such is life. Though I may very likely loose the grip on what I know now, in this moment I trust God, to always bring me back.

This trust has now broadened my platform for moving forward and answering Christ’s call and claim on me. It feels very much life a reaffirmation of my baptism. I have been immersed in God’s providential healing and grace, dying to the fear that sought to burden me and being raised to a new life of strength and courage. This is simply one more reminder that new life is always breaking out all around us if we would have the eyes to see and hearts open to the promise.

Synchronous Experience

As I have been pondering Paul’s writing about baptism in Romans 6 there have been some incredibly powerful images that have been coming to mind. While I haven’t before thought thoroughly through Paul’s conception of being buried with Christ and being raised with Christ I have had some unspoken and unreflective assumptions. The sense of it that I was most comfortable with was the notion of being alongside Christ. The language that best describes this is “the journey with Christ”, a phrase I’ve used a lot. My unreflective, default belief is best described as proximity. Being with Christ was simply a matter of being close to Christ; and with a disciplined spirituality seeking to be as close as possible. A closer study of Romans 6 has drawn me to a new conception. When I got there, I’ve found that this new conception was already a reality that I have been living into over these last two years. I simply lacked an image that matched experience

When Paul speaks of being buried and resurrected with Christ this is not simply a proximity-based reality. Paul is speaking of a reality that is more like incorporation or even co-mingling. In our baptism, Paul points to a transformation of life, identity and perspective that is rendered at the very core of a person. This transformation is affected by God’s grace in and through the life, death and resurrection of Christ.

As I reflect on these words and my own growing experience, I am persuaded of the strength and power of this idea. Through living a more disciplined spiritual life I’m discovering a new heart and a new strength for living, loving and serving. This new strength is rooted in a deeper experience and understanding of how Christ is at work in my life. My relationship with Jesus is no longer a proximity experience. Christ’s life is becoming more alive in me and my experience is becoming more alive in Christ. I’m finding great vitality and joy in a synchronous experience with Christ.

Coming to My Senses

In the last few weeks I’ve become consumed with a great many worries. Some of these worries we carry together…unrelenting war, the deepening of poverty in our country and world, a mortgage and credit crisis that is pinching many families, the costs of food and energy, a spiritual malaise that deprives us of the life and dignity that God intends for us all. I also carry the concern for how best to answer God’s claim on my life as I work to lead this community of faith forward in discerning God’s preferred future for our congregation. On top of all of this, Sally and I are preparing to send a daughter to college in an uncertain world where the costs of such an education continue to rise. I have been consumed. In the last couple of days, I’ve come to my senses and realized that I’ve been wandering in the wilderness in this worry.

It is so easy to get here. We start out with giving these worries, needs and concerns to God. We know that giving these things to God is something that God welcomes. We know that worrying about such things very often gets in our way with a deepening relationship with God. Pretty soon after we stop giving these worries, needs and concerns to God our focus turns inward and we lose sight of God. It’s very much like a trip to the store with young children. We make sure that the child knows that it is important that he/she pay attention to us and not get separated. How many times does the child get distracted by something of interest, look away and then realize that they’ve lost sight of you. How easy it is for us to get distracted by the many things that weigh on us and then lose sight of God’s movement in our life.

That moment of coming to our senses can be a difficult moment. It can be a moment of panic. It can be a moment of confusion. It can be a moment of paralysis as we don’t know where next to go or how to find our way back to God and back to the path. “Now what?” I think we can take a lesson from the National Park Service. When lost in the wilderness, the rangers will remind people to not go wandering. Searchers have a better chance of finding you if you stay put. Spiritually speaking this is what the Psalmist proclaims in the 40^th Psalm when he writes: “I waited patiently for the Lord, in time God hear my cry. He lifted my feet upon the rock out of the miry bog.” When I came to my senses and realized where I was, I simply waited for and looked for God in the silence of my wilderness. As I began to relinquish the death grip on the things that worried and distracted me, I felt the refreshing and life giving movement of the Holy Spirit. God came to me to renew me, take me by the hand and raise my feet upon the rock.

In a world where there is a lot to worry about…In a world that is looking less and less like we’re used to seeing it, it is easy to be consumed by our own needs, worries and fears. Even when we grow in our discipleship, trust and relationship with God we will never completely outgrow our distractability. The grace and the good news is that even when we are so distracted, God is never absent from us. God will and does continue to sustain us even though we may not realize it at the time. When we come to our senses and engage the trust to wait for the Lord, to look for the Lord who is present, God will indeed always raise our feet upon the rock.

Our life, our world and our future is in God’s hands. This doesn’t mean there won’t be trials. This doesn’t mean that we won’t face adversity. The path to the life that God has in mind for us means that we continue to walk through an uncertain world. Because of what God has shown us in the cross and resurrection of Christ we can walk through this uncertain world in faith and trust. When we pledge our self to this path, God, by His grace, will always encourage and strengthen us to walk this path.

Pentecost Has New Meaning

The incredible blessings that I received yesterday yielded some unexpected results today. As we came to the house today there was a spirit of strength that washed over me. Experiencing with such depth and power the reason that we were all in Mississippi doing the work that we were doing brought with it a power that overcame a very slow morning. Let’s just say that the spirit was willing but the flesh was weak. We’ve been working pretty hard and after a very rich meal last night (our team went to a local restaurant) I was really slow getting moving. When we got to the house all of that changed.

We had a larger crew this morning. Because of the amount of work and the urgency to get this house online, we brought in additional people from our larger crew. Dave, our team leader, did a stellar job moving us around the house to maximize our work. I finished framing a doorway in the upstairs hallway. This was a project that I had begun yesterday and ran out of material to finish. It didn’t take long to finish the job, and then I got to work with my colleague from the San Dieguito church on hanging drywall. We split up the work and went after it. Even though there was a pretty strong wind outside, the temperature was warming up and the southerly wind was pumping humidity into the region. The upstairs got warmer and warmer. As warm as it was, I was completely undeterred. I was extraordinarily energized to continue the work. I realized that each nail pounded, each piece of drywall hung got the house one step closer to occupy. Each piece of the project we completed in this house moved the Gulfside Assembly one step closer to being rebuilt that it might continue its vital ministry on the Gulf Coast.

This energizing had only one source. I know that it was the work of the Holy Spirit in me and through me that moved me and motivated me. The way I felt this morning when I woke up, the Spirit’s power is the only thing that could motivate me. Through the course of the afternoon as I began the journey home, I began to experience the realization that I have experienced a new and deeper lesson of Pentecost. I came to Mississippi looking for Jesus. I was totally open to experiencing the power and presence of Christ in a new way in my life. I had no idea what this new experience would look like, but that didn’t deter me. I sought to be open, aware and prayerful. I sought to be faithful to the mission that I was called to do in Mississippi. In this, Christ revealed himself to me in the work, through my teammates and through the people of the Mississippi Gulf Coast.

The Pentecost experience and the power of the Holy Spirit are about God’s work of claiming and empowering ordinary people who seek to be faithful to their calling in Christ to do extraordinary things in the world. The Spirit can, and does work independently of us, but like on the day of Pentecost when Peter and the others, through faith and trust in Christ opened themselves up to the Spirit’s movement, the world was never again the same. I experienced that power in Mississippi this week and I look forward to sharing that experiencing and looking for that experience in Murrieta.

Come Holy Spirit, Come!!!

From the skies over northern Alabama, May 8, 2008, 10:35 pm.

What it’s All About

Today was an extraordinary blessing. It was unexpected, as so many blessings are. I began my day back at Robert’s house and spent some time sanding and looking over the drywall mudding we did yesterday. Our crew had heard that a move was coming. There was another house that needed some immediate work. Mid-morning our crew leader came back, loaded us and took us to a home that was being rebuilt from sticks. It was part of a neighborhood that had been inundated with water and silt from a the storm surge and a nearby flooded river. This job would consist of a large drywall job and some other carpentry projects to move it forward to get it habitable. We arrived at the house and dove right in. There we met Tony who was on-site as something of a foreman.

We didn’t get a chance to talk with Tony at any great length in the morning because we had to get on the job. However, he joined us for lunch and shared his story. He talked about his life before and after Katrina. He talked about the devastation and explained more of what we were seeing around us. Some of the pictures that I have show trees that are little more than sticks, waiting for the next storm to blow them over. Tony explained that the force of the wind picked up saltwater from the Gulf and not only stripped the vegetation clean, but also sandblasted the trunks. Tony shared stories of how the insurance companies wanted to raise rates 400% immediately after the storm. The state stepped in and limited their increase to 99%.

The most beautiful thing that he shared with us from his story occurred after the storm. A few days after the storm he and his wife were driving back from Birmingham and stopped at a gas station to fill up (how they came to that station is another story altogether). While at the gas station they were talking with a woman whom they just met. This woman and her family had two homes, one in town, and one out in the country. This woman offered Tony and his wife, whom she’d just met, the use of her country home for as long as they needed it. A complete stranger offers shelter to this family in need…as I type this story I can hear the words of Jesus echo throughout my spirit – whenever you do this to the least of these members of my family you do it unto me. The Spirit of Christ is indeed moving powerfully in this world.

What made this day extraordinarily special was what came at the end of the day. We ended our day a little early because we had a celebration to go to. One of UMCOR’s clients was able to move back into his home. I’ve been to many housing blessings in my ministry and this is always a great privilege. Today as I stood with all the people working out of Gulfside this week, placing my hand on that home and asking God’s blessings I could feel the Spirit moving in our midst. This is what it’s all about: One family at a time getting people back into their homes. Over 100 volunteers worked on that home taking it from sticks to what it is today. The owner was so grateful and he knew and bore witness to the fact that it was the Spirit of Christ that made it all possible. This experience makes this week all worthwhile. Through the course of the day, I had three different people say to me that they didn’t know how they’d get by and reclaim their homes without the church’s help and the work of the volunteers. That is why I am in Mississippi this spring. That is why we will take a large contingent from Murrieta UMC and return to continue to serve.

The final blessing of the day came when I discovered who would be living in the house we were moved to today. When I met Wilma at the end of the day, I assumed she would be living there. Later I found out that the home was being prepared for the new Director of Gulfside Assembly, the camp where we are staying and staging from. This Camp, with this incredible history, which was so utterly devastated and chose first to serve rather than be served, is about to be rebuilt so that it may continue its camping and retreat ministry. The new Director is tasked with making that happen. I feel incredibly blessed and privileged to care for and support the life and ministry of this person.

From Waveland, MS, May 7, 2008, 9:26 pm.

Do Crawfish Really Migrate?

The week is settling into a pretty busy routine. Today was a full and hard day of work. The house I moved to yesterday afternoon was the site of today’s work…a day full of drywall, mudding and taping. I actually learned something useful. The owner of the home constantly amazes me at his drive to reclaim his life and his home. I feel a little convicted about how easy it is for me to do things other than invest time and effort in my home.

The question posed in the title of this blog is a little frivolous but it is born out of the unique character of this part of the world. As we were driving home from our sight yesterday we noticed several houses that had these curious mud mounds in their yards. No one in the van knew what they were so we had several speculations. Some thought they might be some sort of bird that nested in the ground. Some thought that they might be wasp nests in the ground. Still others thought that they might be anthills…after all, this is fire ant country. There were no conclusions. Today as we were wrapping up our day we were talking with our homeowner and he informed us that those mud volcanoes are mad by crawfish. They live underground in this part of the world and when it rains they push the mud up through the ground to allow oxygen to get down to their homes. Then Robert informed us that the crawfish will migrate the rivers, streams, lakes and drainage canals that crisscross the region. These migrations will even take them to the freeway (I-10) where they will cross the freeway and people have been know to pull over with coolers and start throwing the crawfish into them…et-tufe anyone?

Since I’ve gotten through the initial shock of the stripped trees, abandon driveways, stilted houses and all that the aftermath of Katrina has held I am able to engage in a sense of wonder at the truly unique place and culture that I find here. I must admit that until this afternoon I never considered or even cared, for that matter, whether or not crawfish migrate. This serves as a simple reminder of how easy it is to miss the wonders of the world we live in. This has been a day blessed with a strong sense of possibility. With each piece of drywall, every nail hammered, every pass with the drywall mud Robert and his family moved one step closer to occupying their new home. With each new family that moves into their new home, the region is one step closer to recovering and reclaim what Katrina had taken away. Each step closer to recovery is one step closer to healing. It was indeed a good day.

From Waveland, MS, May 6, 2008, 10:30 pm.

What Would It Take?

This is a thought that runs through my mind as I walk the gulf shore neighborhood neat Camp Gulfside. There is a lot of rebuilding going on in the Waveland area. In fact, today I met two different homeowners on whose homes I worked. Each of these homeowners is receiving grant assistance to rebuild and they are investing a good deal of sweat equity in the project. These two families are working hard to reclaim what was taken by the Gulf.

The house that I worked on in the morning is about 3 miles inland from the Gulf. When the storm surge came through this neighborhood it was at least 20 feet deep…3 miles inland. For this family rebuilding seemed to be very matter of fact…likewise for the house that I hung sheetrock in this afternoon. This family took extraordinary measures to build their home to be as hurricane resistant as possible. They are less than two miles inland. This young family was going to do everything they could do to weather the next storm.

There is plenty of evidence of like minded families in this region of the Gulf Coast. There are a number of homes that have been rebuilt of brick. Others have been built on stilts, some even as tall as 25 feet off the ground. I have to admit there is a certain ‘three little pigs’ quality to what I’m seeing. Every one who is rebuilding is trying to be prepared for the next big hurricane. There is a resilience that is pretty amazing given the stories that I’ve heard.

There is however, another side that is painfully visible. Within a short walk from the camp, there are a number of driveways that come up from Beach Blvd. and go nowhere. To walk about these driveways, many overgrown from what would seem to be years of neglect and abandonment, there is a sadness that washes over you when you realize that there is no home. With some of these lots there is no foundation left. There is no way to know for sure if the slabs were washed away by the storm or simply demolished after the storm. The driveways seem sadly out of place and forlorn. Where the slab is gone there is no way to know for sure the size of the house, but it seems apparent that some of them were fairly good size homes. Many of these homes were such that you could walk out the driveway across the road and out onto a dock that went some distance over the water. Now, the pilings are the only remnants.

One particular lot captured my attention. This is a corner lot of some good size. There was what appeared to be a fairly new swimming pool. The trees were large, mature and though cut back now seemed once to be majestic. From one tree there was the rusted chain which no doubt held a swing. A second tree had hanging from it a now frayed rope. A beautiful Gulf Coast home with a pool, a swing, and large shady trees to climb would have been an idyllic place to grow up. The whole scene seemed to exude memories, now in the form of ghosts of what had been. The lot was overgrown and nailed to a tree was a plaintive sign, almost a plea, “For Sale”. This was not a slick realtor sign. It was simple and handwritten with a number to call.

What is the difference between these families? What could possibly account for the different response? What could have happened in the heart and head of a family who seemed to be giving up so much for them to turn from their memories and leave? I have no answers. I’m not sure there are answers. I’m not sure there needs to be answers. The response is simple…either one steps forward to rebuild, to reclaim what had been taken from them, or one doesn’t.

In our life of faith we have the same choices when battered by the storm. Either we, by God’s grace and with God’s help, reclaim our life or we don’t. Either we recognize that God raises us up from the pit and sets our feet on a rock or we remain bogged down in the mire. The choice is ours to make. The path to follow is always before us.

From Waveland Mississippi, May 5, 2008 5:40 pm.