Trust Is a Funny Thing

I had an epiphany a few days ago. At the very least it was a mixed bag. I’d been stressed out over a variety of things in life and ministry and the compounding of these various stresses was working toward leaving me feeling increasingly isolated. In this growing isolation fear was beginning to dictate my action, or lack thereof. The epiphany came within the context of a meeting with my Stewardship leader. We were discussing a plan to encourage our congregation in giving and ministry in the current economic climate. It came to me as bolt from the blue…I wasn’t truly trusting God’s grace and providence nor did I really trust the congregation.

On the one hand it was a breath of fresh air blowing freely into the choking and stagnant fear that was sapping me of energy and passion. The fear had become a burden on my spirit that had grown gradually and imperceptibly. It had become a burden that I didn’t fully fathom until it was lifted from me. With the lifting of the burden came a flood of emotions…it brought me to tears and to my knees. The pathway that I’m called to follow is a pathway of trust over fear. I was reminded that I can trust God and I can trust this congregation. In so many things over the last eight years this congregation has given me abundant experiences that should have bolstered my trust…but instead I doubted.

There in lies the downside of the epiphany. I felt deeply convicted in the lack of trust. It would be all too easy to be intemperate with myself in this. As it has always been in matters such as this, God’s grace was sufficient to not only bring me back, but heal the guilt of having forgotten such a fundamental truth. I’m not sure if this is a sign of cynicism or spiritual maturity, but I have a sneaking suspicion that this won’t be the last time that I’ll need to have this epiphany. Such is life. Though I may very likely loose the grip on what I know now, in this moment I trust God, to always bring me back.

This trust has now broadened my platform for moving forward and answering Christ’s call and claim on me. It feels very much life a reaffirmation of my baptism. I have been immersed in God’s providential healing and grace, dying to the fear that sought to burden me and being raised to a new life of strength and courage. This is simply one more reminder that new life is always breaking out all around us if we would have the eyes to see and hearts open to the promise.